The One You Love Most
by chibi-zoe
Summary: Kira has been chasing after Shuuhei since their day's in the academy. Introspective and 1st attempt at angst. eventual ShuuheixKira, mention of GinxKira


_Kira's birthday, Academy, Pre-hollow training exercise day_

Kira awoke exactly five minutes before his alarm went off, as he did every morning. He blinked at the ceiling for a moment before rising to his feet. Switching off the alarm before it had a chance to start beeping; he ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his eyes. He carefully folded his futon before dressing in his uniform for the day, he made sure that it was his best uniform, carefully pressed and perfect. Staring into the mirror, he carefully combed his coarse blond hair and brushed his teeth. Then he set out for his parents' memorial.

When he reached the gates to the academy he showed the guards, final year students really, his official leave form, and receiving the OK strode confidently through the gates. He held his head high and his shoulders back as he strode along, he would make his parents proud. He moved aside and bowed respectfully when several seated officers passed him, and showed his pass to the lieutenant who accompanied them. His heart felt lighter when the silver-haired lieutenant smiled encouragingly at him and he bowed again.

Ichimaru-fukataichou had actually acknowledged him and he hadn't even graduated yet! If only his parents had lived to see him now. Barely restraining himself from skipping, Kira continued on his way. When he reached his family memorial he bowed respectfully and laid out his offerings. As he did so he told them all about his life at the academy, about the new friends that he had made and about all the things that had happened since his birthday last year. Feeling refreshed and unburdened, he rose to his feet and bowed respectfully again before taking his leave.

As the academy gates came back into view, Kira sucked in his breath. Hisagi Shuuhei was on gate duty. Hisagi Shuuhei who was the most gorgeous and talented student currently at the Shinigami Acedmy, the Hisagi Shuuhei that Kira had been crushing on since before he entered the academy. He automatically twitched at his uniform; he would die from embarrassment if he looked anything less than perfect in front of his sempai. He wished that there was a reflective surface around somewhere so that he could check himself out properly.

Steeling his courage, and his backbone, Kira marched smartly towards the entrance archway. He desperately wanted to make a good appearance in front of his crush. Bitter disappointment flowed through him as Hisagi-sempai was called away just as he reached the gates. He watched, with a sinking stomach, as his idol strode off to attend to the problem, leaving him to check in with one of the other guards. He pointedly ignored the cow-eyes that the girl made at him.

_Academy, Hollow training exercise day_

Kira had barely slept a wink all night he was so excited. Hisagi-sempai was going to be conducting today's Hollow training exercise. He was going to be in his idol's presence all day and he was so happy that he was almost singing. He made an extra special effort with his hair and uniform, wanting to look good but not to overdone, before heading down for breakfast. After all the trainees had eaten, they gathered on the edge of the training field for some last minute instruction. Kira was astounded to discover that his friend Abarai Renji had no idea who Hisagi-sempai was, honestly the man could be so dense sometimes.

As they moved from the normal training grounds to the gate that they would use to travel to the Hollow training area, Kira found it hard to concentrate on what Renji was saying. His attention was taken up almost completely by the hypnotic way in which Hisagi-sempai walked, and the way that his short, spiky hair shifted gently in the breeze. He was so intent on the man leading them that he almost tripped and fell flat on his face; having come so close to humiliating himself, Kira vowed to pay more attention to his actions but before too long he found his gaze once again resting on the other man.

Of all the things that Kira had been prepared for, the sheer terror of facing Huge Hollows and seeing his classmates die before his eyes wasn't among them. The little three-student cell made up of Renji, Hinamori and himself had rushed to their sempai's aid, but they had still been far from powerful enough to defeat the monster. Then, like a ray of light in the darkness, Ichimaru-fukataichou's sword had pierced through the Hollow's chest, easily despatching it. Kira had looked up and seen Aizen-taichou smiling down benevolently at them and telling them that they could relax now as it was all going to be OK.

Travelling back to the academy in the company of the 5th division Captain and Lieutenant was exhilarating. Especially when Ichimaru-fukataichou remembered him and their brief meeting so many years before, it was enough to make Kira's knees feel weak. He hoped that one day he would have the chance to work under these men, to make them proud of him. Surely, hearing words of praise from these men would make his heart burst from sheer joy.

_Kira's birthday, Academy, post-Hollow training day_

Kira stared at his reflection in the mirror; he couldn't see anything wrong with how he looked. His hair was clean and shiny, he didn't have any disfiguring scars and his features weren't unattractive. It still didn't change the fact that even though Hisagi-sempai clearly liked his company, and even responded to his careful flirtations, the man didn't seem to want to take the next step. Kira was fairly certain that his sempai wasn't straight, because despite all the rumours he had never actually seen the man be truly intimate with a woman. It made Kira want to scream with frustration.

Later that afternoon, after all of their academic classes were finished, their usual little training group met up to spar. Kira spent so much time watching Hisagi-sempai's smooth form and lightening attacks that he skimped on his stretching. Typically enough, his muscles cramped up in an incredibly painful way. He didn't know what was worse, Renji carrying him to the bathhouse to soak, or Hisagi-sempai massaging his aching muscles. Under any other circumstances he would have welcomed his superiors' hands rubbing all over his body, but not when he was clad only in a small towel and with all of his friends present.

Hisagi-sempai's touchy-feelyness continued, although never quite in a way that made Kira think that the man was responding to him. It left him feeling incredibly frustrated and anxious. All around him, his fellow students were experimenting and having fun and here he was, too infatuated with his sempai to look around, and too scared of loosing his sempai's friendship to make an obvious proposal. He loathed such indecisiveness in others and hated seeing it in himself, but the thought of loosing his sempai's friendship was enough to still his tongue every time that he gathered his courage.

On the day of Hisagi-sempai's graduation, Kira cursed his own timidness. Now the other man was going to be leaving the student dormitories and moving into the division barracks. Their contact would be strictly limited until after Kira graduated, and he was terribly worried that someone else would make the move that he had been too scared to, and he would loose his opportunity forever. Darting into the bathroom to wash his face, he was startled to see, out of the corner of his eye, Ichimaru-fukataichou run a caressing hand down the back of one of his officers.

_Kira's birthday, 5__th__ Division, pre-seated officer_

When Kira and his friends finally graduated from the academy, Hisagi-sempai was there to watch. Kira could easily pick him out of the crowd and it was enough to make his heart sing. After his own graduation, Hisagi had joined the 5th Division serving under Aizen-taichou and today Kira would join him. Renji and Hinamori were also joining the 5th; Kira couldn't wait to get started. He only wished that his parents could have witnessed this day. In his mind, he sent out prayers to them, telling them how proud he felt at graduating top of his class.

The division barracks were much like the student accommodations; a single bed, wardrobe, desk and chair. The similarity made Kira feel more at ease and he found himself settling in easily, he only wished that either Hisagi-sempai or Renji had been in the same barracks. He quickly found out that all of the lectures and training at the academy was nothing compared to the reality of working in a protective division. Kira felt the same way that he had during his first year at the academy – completely swamped and sure that he would never learn all that he had to.

Hisagi-sempai helped him to fit in, guiding him whenever he had the chance. Kira revelled in his presence, and he was overjoyed to find out that the other man was still single. According to rampant rumour, the man was liked by everyone, but no-one had yet caught his interest. It swelled Kira's heart that he might still have a chance. He took to dropping slightly more blatant hints and to allowing their limbs to touch 'accidentally' whenever they came into close contact. Hisagi-sempai didn't reciprocate and Kira slowly felt his heart sinking.

It wasn't until Ichimaru-fukataichou asked him what was wrong, that he realised that he'd been letting his personal feelings interfere with his work. He had immediately apologised profusely to his lieutenant, bowing low in shame. Kira had been shocked when a warm finger-tip had slowly tilted his head up and he had looked directly into his superiors' face. Ichimaru-fukataichou had happily told him to cheer up and his smile had seemed more sincere than normal. Kira had tentatively smiled back and been rewarded with a gentle pat on the head.

_Kira's birthday, 5__th__ Division, seated officer_

By diligently working on every task that was assigned to him, Kira was quickly promoted to seated officer. With the rise in status came newer, larger accommodations and more stress. Hisagi-sempai once again helped him to fit in, giving him hints about how to deal with his subordinates. Once again, Kira felt his hopes raising that Hisagi-sempai might finally reciprocate his feelings and once again felt his heart sinking when he realised that the man was just being helpful.

Renji was transferred to the 11th division one day whilst Kira was away conducting a training manoeuvre. When he arrived back at the barracks, Hisagi-sempai was there to suggest that they all go out to celebrate with Renji's new division team-mates. Kira had a blast; he found that the alcohol dulled the ache in his heart caused by Hisagi-sempai's continued obliviousness and his own cowardice. When he woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and no memory of how he had made it home, he felt ashamed at his actions and vowed never to do it again.

When Hisagi-sempai was transferred to the 9th division and promoted to 3rd seat, Kira threw his vow out of the window. When he woke up feeling like something the cat had dragged in the next morning, the only thing he could remember was complimenting Hisagi-fukataichou on his uniform. With the sleeves rolled up to his shoulders to show off his muscular arms he had looked delectable. The image still made Kira lick his lips in delight, but the thought of what his friend might think of him now was enough to make him throw up.

Training alone early one morning, Kira was surprised to see Ichimaru-fukataichou watching him. He was even more surprised when the man asked if he would like some personal training. Astonished at the generous offer, Kira nearly stumbled in his haste to accept. Despite his strange sense of humour and odd facial expression, Ichimaru-fukataichou had always been nice to Kira; always trying to cheer him up, claiming that he always looked depressed. Kira had long ago given up claiming that he felt fine and begun smiling whenever he caught his lieutenant looking at him.

_Kira's birthday, 5__th__ Division, 3__rd__ seat_

On the same day that Kira was promoted to 3rd seat of the 5th division, Hisagi-sempai was promoted to fukataichou of the 9th division. As had become their habit, they went out and celebrated. When he woke up nearly naked on the floor of the 10th division headquarters he nearly passed back out again. Not only was Hisagi-fukataichou sprawled in just his fundoshi, but Matsumoto-fukataichou was in very nearly the same state. Kira had never seen so much naked female flesh in his life. He dearly hoped that he would never have to again.

Hisagi-fukataichou never mentioned if he'd done anything 'strange' whilst they had been out, he was his normal cheerful self. Kira felt his stomach churn with anxiety though whenever he saw his friend. For the millionth time he wished that he had the courage to bring this situation to a head and lance the tension that was causing his shoulders to slump. But as they sat together and laughed over their subordinates' antics, Kira knew that he would never risk jeopardising this easy camaraderie for the sake of a few minutes of sweaty relief.

As the 3rd seat of a division, Kira found that his work load had increased exponentially again. He half suspected that some of the paperwork that he was doing was 'falling' from Ichimaru-fukataichou's desk onto his own. He didn't say anything however, as he wanted to keep in his lieutenants good graces, he even found himself offering to do extra paperwork for the man. Their lessons were going very well and Kira could feel himself gaining strength and skill. He lived for the moments of praise that the man casually doled out.

As they continued to work closely together, Kira started to notice Ichimaru-fukataichou touching him more often. A brief touch on the shoulder to gain his attention, a brush of the arm as they walked along, and more recently, physical contact during their sparring. Kira was dumbfounded. These were the same tactics that he had used so unsuccessfully on Hisagi-fukataichou. The thought that his lieutenant wanted him warmed Kira's heart and soothed over the roughness left by his friends' rejection.

_Kira's birthday, 3__rd__ Division, fukataichou_

When Ichimaru-fukataichou was promoted to Captain of the 3rd division, Kira was delighted to find out that he had requested that Kira become his fukataichou and that the other captains had readily agreed. Their going away party was truly spectacular. When Kira woke up the next morning with a pounding head, he found that he was naked and that there were pale arms wrapped around him. He slumped back against the warm chest in shock; surely he hadn't done what it appeared that he had done.

Kira didn't care what his new division members thought about his relationship with Ichimaru-taichou. Despite persistent rumours about him, Kira had always found him to be surprisingly sweet and thoughtful. Even Hisagi-fukataichou had expressed quiet doubts about the man. Kira happily chalked it up to emerging jealousy, he was happier than he'd ever been before and not even the man that he had chased after for so long was going to ruin it.

When Renji was promoted to fukataichou of the 6th division, Kira happily dragged him out to celebrate, even if he couldn't think of a worse combination than Kuchiki-taichou and Abarai-fukataichou. This time Kira tried to remain as sober as possible, he didn't want to risk angering his lover by being found nearly naked in the 10th division headquarters with Hisagi-fukataichou again. Even when drunk, Hisagi-sempai didn't attempt to come-on to him. Kira was crushed.

_Kira's birthday, 3__rd__ Division, acting taichou_

When the ryoka had infiltrated Soul Society, Kira had been both astonished and horrified. It didn't help that Ichimaru-taichou had begun acting oddly. He had taken to calling Kira by his given name in public and to disappearing at odd times during the night and day. Kira knew that he wasn't seeing anyone else, he was sure that he would be able to smell another person on his lover, or to at least smell that the man had been showering more than usual.

When Ichimaru-taichou had betrayed them all, along with Aizen-taichou and Tousen-taichou, Kira had been appalled. In the last few hours before the betrayal, Kira had done all kinds of dishonourable things for his captain, including raising a blade against his friends. He had never felt as despicable as he did right now. Gathering his courage, he fronted at the 10th division headquarters, both to apologise to Matsumoto-fukataichou and to discuss, with Ichimaru-taichou's oldest friend, his recent behaviour to see if Kira had missed anything obvious. If he had then Matsumoto-fukataichou couldn't see it either.

Kira visited Hinamori-fukataichou in the hospital and saw Hitsugaya-taichou hovering around her. He smiled at the brotherly affection that the small captain always tried to hide under his gruffness. Turning away, he decided that he would visit his friend later. On his way out he bumped into Hisagi-fukataichou. He told the man what he had seen and suggested that rather than disturb Hitsugaya-taichou a second time that they go and grab a quick bite to eat instead.

Without Hisagi-fukataichou's support, Kira thought that he might have gone insane; from the sudden stress of running a division by himself and from the pain of a broken heart. Not that he would mention his heart-pain to his friend though; he still remembered the doubts that Hisagi-fukataichou had expressed and didn't want to hear 'I told you so'. It was the pain of betrayal though that hurt them both the most, how could their captains have planned all of this without them knowing?

_Kira's birthday, 3__rd__ Division, taichou_

The day that Kira was formally inducted as the captain of the 3rd division, Hisagi was recognised as the captain of the 9th division. The celebration party was staid and quiet, attended solely by their new colleagues. Kira, by now quite used to slow and steady, used the time to subtly admire the changes in his friend. Hisagi-taichou seemed much more self-aware than he had previously, and less cheerful. Kira, carefully keeping his distance, suggested that when this quiet get-together was over that they retire back to his house. Rather surprisingly Hisagi-taichou agreed.

Kira was more than surprised when Hisagi-taichou accepted his discreet advances, responding with tiny touches and soft chuckles. The sudden lack of resistance made a part of Kira want to scream and shout at the other man, to demand to know why he had never responded before. The other, more opportunistic, part of Kira suggested that he just go with the flow and take what was being offered. In the end, he decided to hedge his bets, continuing the touches and flirtations but not going any further. When Hisagi-taichou left for the evening, Kira kissed him softly on the cheek.

Shuuhei didn't know why he'd always turned down Kira' advances, he had known about the blonde's crush on him since their academy days. He liked Kira's company and enjoyed his gentle flirtations but he had never felt comfortable with going any further. In fact the idea of actually being intimate and vulnerable with anyone turned his stomach. He knew that he should talk to his friend about his fears rather than just rejecting him again and again, but somehow he never managed to bring the subject up. It wasn't until Kira began a relationship with Ichimaru that he realised what he lost.

Seeing Kira was like torturing his soul, but he still couldn't bring himself to actually initiate any kind of intimate contact with the man; and now Kira appeared to have stopped all advances. Shuuhei didn't know what to do about it. It wasn't until the night of their official inauguration that Kira once again began to flirt with him, taking a firm grip of his courage, Shuuhei began to respond positively to the advances. At first Kira seemed shocked, then angry and then delighted. Still puzzling over the strange array of emotions, Shuuhei found himself agreeing to go back to Kira's house before his brain had processed the strange request.

Becoming Kira's lover wasn't nearly as scary as Shuuhei had always thought that it would be. It was just like another deeper, more intimate, facete of their friendship, a facete that Shuuhei dearly wished that he had had the courage to explore before. He had never been so happy, and he was delighted to find that Kira felt the same. Surely there was nothing better than lazing around in bed with the one you love the most.


End file.
